I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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