i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize