we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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