areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I look better un-naked...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
