my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
