That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
