I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
