For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
