i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
