The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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