apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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