hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
