I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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