it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The air taste purple.
Randomize
