took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize