So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
