how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
