oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
