My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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