you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
