i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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