You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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