whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
