im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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