Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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