She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have fence marks all over my body
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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