I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
