No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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