Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
