and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
