accomplished twins. life is a go
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
