from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize