I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
