I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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