he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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