Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
