As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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