I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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