who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
