Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
