i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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