We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
