Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
