I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
