you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
