I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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