That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
