and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
