My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
