Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
