He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
