I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
