eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
