She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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