yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize