I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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