Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He has the fingertips of a God
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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