There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
