Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
