My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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