Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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