yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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