Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
