I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
