is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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