this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
