i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
