Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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