so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
