I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
