i wish my penis had a tongue
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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