I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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