Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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