No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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