Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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