Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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