I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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