I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My balls are so social today.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
